Acing the interview - how to sound interesting

A question from a reader:

How do I sound interesting in the interview?

Sounding academically interesting is a slightly different ball game than what you might say on a first date or at a cocktail party.  There are two main components.

First, there are the things you do.  Sports, debate, cheerleading, visiting CERN.  This is generally easy to get right, although may need to spend four years at it. 

Second, there is the way that you think about things.  This is the trickier part to get right - and the few students who do will wow their interviewers.  

Let's step back - a liberal arts education, first and foremost, is about the interdisciplinary approach.  What this means is that you are able to take a subject or a theme and easily integrate multiple ways of looking at the same subject.  This is not always easy, and when done correctly, it can be very impressive.

Here's an example: your interviewer asks you what your thoughts are on your school's recent transition to uniforms.  You happen to have led a very vocal student protest that has landed you on the cover of your local paper.  The obvious thing to talk about would be the emotions and reactions of the student body - the limits of self-expression, the burden on low-income parents to provide uniforms.  

But the broader and more thoughtful response would include a discussion of how uniforms impact the people who wear them.  Perhaps you can reference the work of psychology professor Ellen Langer, whose studies show that in clinical settings such as hospitals or nursing homes, uniforms are divisive and keep people from relating to one another on a personal level.  You can approach uniforms from a historical angle, noting that school uniforms in England date back to the infamous reign of Henry VIII, during which time children were dressed in blue (the cheapest dye) to show humility.  

The notion of interweaving multiple angles into an interdisciplinary approach is one that you can read more about on a new startup called HIPPO Reads - a literary curation startup focused on pulling together multi-disciplinary reads across a variety of subjects.  This is also my latest venture, and the reason that my blogging her has been sporadic at best.

Finding Strength in Weakness

I have a question from a concerned dad: What is my son's school is tough, so his GPA is weak as a result?  Or, alternately, what if he has a great GPA at a school considered "weak"?

I have an answer for you, but I'm not sure you'll like it.  The answer to your question is Yes.

Yes, so what?

Yes, there are strong schools where good students earn imperfect GPAs.  Yes, there are easier schools where 4.0's are given out like candy.  And there are those in between.  And it doesn't really matter which you chose.

Admissions officers know all these things as well, and it their job - and our job as interviewers - to sift through the application to make sense of the entire candidate.  Think of the GPA as a qualifier.  One piece of the puzzle.  The mistake you should not make - and the mistake you should keep your child from making - is in thinking that there is a "correct" answer to this conundrum, a proper way to approach it, a "perfect" way to assemble the puzzle that will automatically get your son in.

I've talked to these candidates in interviews, and it is easy to see that behind the perfectly written essays and stellar AP scores and strong GPAs is a student who has gotten so caught up in the numbers that she has not truly explored herself.  And what the admissions office most wants to know is not just what you are capable of on paper, how you are measured quantitatively, but what you can potentially be capable of as a person.  Not today, not tomorrow, but a few years down the road.  And that doesn't come from your GPA.  It comes from being honest with yourself, and from having parents who encourage honestly.

Here are a few values that college counselors don't talk about enough:
Courage.  Humility.  Open-mindedness.

Students who cultivate these values will do better not just in the admissions process, but in life.

At this point, you are probably scowling a little bit at your screen, because you have asked me a serious question and I have instead given you a lecture about passion.  Let me come back down to earth and try again.  Lots of students go crazy trying to optimize their GPA.  Is a harder class with a lower grade better than an easier one?  Is a class at a community college more impressive than an AP class?  Should I transfer to a tougher high school even though I won't be valedictorian?

The answer to all these questions is you are asking the wrong question.  The grades do not matter.  What is important is which environment will help you grow.  Where will you learn more?  Where will you be surrounded by people who inspire you?  Where will you best shine?

Perhaps the easier school has a phenomenal drama department.  Perhaps the tougher school has an incredible teacher you've wanted to work with.  The answer to your questions should never be about the numbers - it should be about you.

Interviews for the introvert

I get this question from time to time, and it's a good one:
How do I interview well if I'm an introvert?  It takes me a while to warm up to people, and I don't have a naturally bubbly personality.  Will I be at a disadvantage?

No.  You'll interview just fine.  The key to nailing your interview is not to give a drama club worthy performance, or to share everything from your favorite toenail color to how you felt about your breakup last week.  Keep in mind, a college campus overrun with extroverts would be just an undesirable as one with without any of them at all. 

The key to nailing your college interview (and, by the way, every interview you do from this point out) is to practice.  Figure out what the three things are that you want your interviewer to walk away from the interview knowing about you.  Make them as specialized as possible and make sure you have proof.  Are you a very empathetic person? Exceptionally determined in the face of adversity?  Creative at solving difficult problems?  Write your list, and then back it up with a story.  Interview questions are often open-ended.. Find a way to get your point across. 

Practicing the interview and going in with a game plan will get you into your comfort zone.  Don't rely on yourself to ad lib.  As an introvert, a road map of your story should get you comfortable with what you are going to say.  Neither an introvert nor an extrovert interview well if they are unprepared.  Several interviews come to mind with bubbly students who obviously did not practice, and ended up interviewing poorly in spite of their personal charisma. 



One more caveat: Be sure to make the interview a conversation.  If you are nervous, it is easy to fall into the trap of recitation.  Make sure you are engaging with and reacting to your interviewer - she is not an audience, but a person.  Ask a few questions.  Laugh at a joke.  Respond to her enthusiasm for a specific subject.  Don't get sidetracked by this, but don't let the opportunity to connect slip. 

If you need a mantra, let it be this: The interview is not about charming the pants off your interviewer.  It's about communicating clearly and well what it is that makes you different and sets you apart.

Blogging your way into college

A question from a reader: should I start a blog?

P- writes: Your "Summer Vacation" post talks about pursuing the things you're passionate about in unique ways.  I have been thinking about starting a blog where I can report about current events in India and analyze their signifcance. I feel that blogging about India's progress towards accepting many of the things that were once prohibited will be a great way for me to showcase my general interest in social studies and writing. However, I'm not sure that blogging is "unique." My parents think that is a good a idea, but what do you think about it?


Here's a general rule to follow.  The more popular the activity, the more successful you need to be to stand out. 

Blogging is attractive because if it is done well, it can have tremendous exposure.  That said, there are lots of people out there trying to do it well.  You may very well have written the most insightful blog in the world, but if only your parents read it, it won't really matter.

I know what you're thinking - if I write insightful, interesting posts, won't an admissions officer (or interviewer) read it and be impressed by my thoughtfulness and quality of writing?  It's possible, but not likely.  However, if your blog makes it onto a top ten list somewhere, gets you quoted somewhere, leads to a guest post on the Huffington Post... you get the drift.  Way more for you to leverage here.

Here's an example: Lena Chen earned noteriety blogging about her sex life at Harvard - hardly an academic topic.  Today she works as a freelance journalist, speaking on panels, moderating discussions, appearing at colleges.  The risk she took with her blog earned her the credability to write about the politics of gender and sexuality.

The moral is that it's not what you do, but how you do it.  Just as you can turn a job at a bakery into an incredible experience, you can squander an internship with NATO and get nothing out of it.

So, here is the most important criterion: pick something that genuinely engages you.  And here's the corollary: do it in a way that engages you.  If you like interacting with people and need lots of feedback to feel excited about a project, blogging may not work for you unless you make sure you structure in lots of time to network with other bloggers and talk about your blog to people in real life.  Blogging, especially when you are starting out, can be a very solitary activity, at least until you get traction.  That's why there are a lot of blogs sitting out there in the internet with only a handful of posts before the author got bored.

There's one other thing - the subject.  Is this really what you want to write about?  Do some real thinking about what subject is so exciting for you that it gets you out of bed in the morning.  What is so interesting that you fall asleep thinking about it?  

If you love what you're doing, and think about it every day over the summer, the rest should follow. 
Aim and high, and really want it.  It's better to blog about Bollywood movies and be passionate about it than to write about Indian current events if you're only somewhat engaged.

It's easier to find a way to make your passion sound impressive on a college application than to fake passion for something that you think sounds impressive.

And... I'm back

This blog has been sadly neglected for a few months because I've been working hard on another very important endeavor... a HarvardInterviewer baby!

Obviously people have been asking what my husband and I are doing to prepare our little one for Harvard. Given that she's only three months old, we don't have a definitive list.

But I do want to talk about what role parents can play in giving their kids a leg up, and I'll do that in the next few posts. A parent's role in encouraging excellence is tricky. I don't really believe that spending money stuff makes a big difference.

The posts will be about reframing success and how you can encourage your child to want to find ways to set herself apart.

In the meantime, if you've contacted me about a quote or comment for an article during the past three months - my apologies. I'm fantastic at email... except when I'm learning to take care of a newborn. Please try me again if I can still help.

Online data: the final chapter

So, I've had a few questions since my last post, and they invariably run along the lines of, "This comes up when I search for my name/facebook account/website. Do you think it's bad?"

Let me give you a mantra. If in doubt, take it out.

See? It even rhymes. But in all seriousness, folks, if you have to ask, it probably shouldn't be out there. The point isn't whether or not I think calling someone "fucking awesome" is an inappropriate thing for a seventeen year old to say. (Personally, I don't.) The real litmus test is - would you intentionally say it during your interview? Or write it in your essays? If the answer is no, just make it private, password protect it, or delete it. Easy peasy.

Moving right along. Interview season is mostly wrapping up across the country, applicants are receiving their admissions letters, and everybody else is gearing up for application season 2011. I'm planning on shifting gears to more general application questions. If you have some that you'd like me to address, leave it in the comments... or send it my way via email.

Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr: Cleaning up your act

My last post got a lot of attention, which I found surprising because I assumed that it was obvious. It turns out I was wrong, which was great because I'm glad that I put it out there.

To recap, I said that your Facebook profile, like any other social media that bears your full name, often comes to the attention of college admissions teams and you should be careful what you put on there.

But now that you know social media can count (sometimes against you) what do you do to clean up your act?

1. An image is worth a thousand words. Look at pictures first. When you google yourself, do any come up that are compromising? If so, untag yourself. Make them private. Or, if that doesn't work, ask your friends to take them down. Remember that Google will save a cache of some websites, so take care of this early.

2. Illegal activities. Some of your admissions team will be liberal and will smile fondly at youthful hijinks. Others won't. Don't risk it. Photos or references to you participating in anything illegal need to go immediately. That includes drinking, smoking, fighting, destruction of property, climbing over fences (i.e trespassing), setting off illegal fireworks, etc. What if it just looks illegal? Take it down anyway. Or label it clearly, i.e. "Training for the big boxing match" or "Rehearsing the bar fight scene for school play"

3. General silliness. You making goofy faces. Fan fiction. Having a food fight. IM conversations you had with your best friend when you were thirteen. All of these are examples of things that, while in and of themselves are fun and innocent, can be net negatives. Consider carefully before leaving anything like this in the public domain. What is the image you want to project? Is this helping you?

Now that you've found the offending data, what do you do about it? Either make it private, or delete your last name. If there's a website with photos, put a password on it. If we're talking about a facebook profile, play around with privacy settings. There are ways to leave up any info you'd like to share (i.e. you winning the debate tournament) while omitting the ones you'd like to keep private.

A few final words. There's been this flurry about admissions officers checking Facebook or other sites. As far as I know for Harvard has no official policy and I would be surprised if many colleges did. I have not been given any guidelines to follow. Here's the risk for you: if there's no policy, and I'm not checking consistently, I don't have a baseline. I don't have a list of things to watch for. I don't have a protocol. So, if you happen to accidentally leave up something that happens to grab my attention in the wrong way, there's a chance it will influence me more than it should, or even more than I consciously think it does.

Today, your public image is more than who you are in person. It also includes who you are online. That's true for you as a college candidate, it's true for me, and it's true for your grandmother. It's the new reality, and there's nothing revolutionary or scary about it - but it is important to learn to live with it and manage accordingly.

Facebook and College Applications

I met a mom recently who banned her sixteen year old daughter from Facebook. The daughter had recently posted photos of herself getting her tongue pierced (I suspect the getting-her-tongue-pierced part was a problem in itself).

I expressed some mild surprise that she would resort to such Draconian measures and she insisted that Facebook was dangerous. "Kids are losing scholarships because of what they put on Facebook!" she said.

I don't like the idea of banning kids from social media. But the mom did have a point.

As an interviewer, I like to Google candidates before I meet them. It's a good way to get a sense for the person before I sit down to interview. Recall that as an interviewer, I don't get access to any portion of the application beforehand. Even if have the candidate bring a resume along, I need to be able to scan it quickly and start asking questions. This way, I get a bit of prep in.

I'd like to tell you that I don't let myself be prejudiced by photos of kids holding beers at parties, or dancing with their friends on furniture, or painting questionable logos on each other's stomachs. I'd like to say that.

But it's just not true. In interviews, it's the details that count: being well-dressed. Sending a thank you note. Being a good conversationalist. It all adds up to the first impression, which is what your interviewer will use when filling out your recommendation forms.

I doubt that hordes of students frequently lose scholarships or have an admission reneg'd for something that they innocently put up on Facebook. BUT what actually happens is much worse. Indiscreet social media postings can make your interviewer (or the admissions officer) prejudiced against you without realizing it. And that's scary and worrisome because a large chunk of admissions decisions are really close calls. They are based on "fit" and "feel" - it's not just what you've shown you can do, but the potential people think you have.

If they go into your app or start your interview with an image of you jumping up and down on a trampoline with a beer, it'll take a lot more to dislodge it than if they come in with nothing. Or better yet, a picture of you shaking hands with mayor of your town after winning a writing contest.

The "scared straight" message of this shouldn't be that you can't use Facebook. Just be smart about it. Keep your account private. If you want to post goofy photos, go right ahead - but keep your main profile photo something neutral. Google yourself occasionally to make sure that nothing comes up that you're embarassed about. Nothing that you wouldn't share with your grandparents or your parents' friends.

I, by the way, learned this lesson the hard way. I'll date myself here - but at one point in college I had created a Friendster profile. It was goofy and irreverent. I think I said that I wanted to meet dictators and my hobbies included belly dancing. Kind of innocuous, but not particularly smart. Fast forward four years. I'm out of college, I'm working at a investment firm. My boss asks me to step in to one of our investments and help manage it for six months. Suddenly, I have a group of twenty people reporting to me, all of whom are older. It's imperative that I command respect and cultivate a serious persona. Of course, it's just my luck that the nearly defunct Friendster suddenly opens up their database to google. Now, when you search my name, that old profile becomes the fourth or fifth hit. Embarassing!

Learn from my mistake - check. Check often. It's a good habit that will serve you well, not just through the admissions process, but beyond.

New versus old?

A question from a student getting prep'd for her Harvard interview. She writes:

During the interview, should I discuss "new" information (things that weren't covered in-depth on my application) or reinforce what's already on the application?

Here's what I mean. My interviewer has said that they (the interviewers) do not see my Harvard application. So during the interview, should I go over things that were on my app (the topics I wrote my essays on, things I really stressed, etc.) or should I use the interview as a chance to give Harvard MORE information about myself that I couldn't fit on the app?

For example, on my Harvard application, I really stressed my volunteer work, my eBay business, and my future dreams (to create a successful charity--this sort of ties in with my volunteer work). I didn't really mention my passion for statistics and academics in general. I only briefly mentioned ballet, which I've been doing for 12 years and counting. So in my interview, should I repeat my stories about my volunteer work/eBay/future dreams or should I discuss my passion for ballet/statistics/etc?

The interview is a way for Harvard to get to know the applicant even better. So I thought perhaps it would be better for me to talk about ballet etc. because Harvard doesn't really know that part of me. If I were to talk about my eBay business in the interview, the interviewer would write that into their recommendation. However, Harvard would already know about eBay and it might become redundant.

But at the same time, I thought that maybe it would be better to reinforce my volunteer work/eBay/future dreams in the interview, since those are really what make me unique and those are the ones that have the best "stories" behind them. After all, those topics were "meaty" enough that I could write essays about them, whereas I don't think I have enough to say about ballet that I could write an essay about it.

And if you recommend a balance of both, should I talk about 50/50 old information & new information, or 70/30, etc.

This is a problem that is nice to have! This student obviously has a few different narratives about her life that she has successfully developed into what I imagine is a strong application. Rather than getting distracted by dozens of extracurriculars, she has chosen to focus on a few activities where she has excelled. This is smart. But now her problem is she has other narratives that she wasn't able to fit in. What to do?

The answer is easy, but will probably frustrate you. I recommend forgetting any sort of ratios, but instead focusing on connecting with your interviewer. You may hope that your interviewer is taking copious notes and will provide Harvard with an exact transcript of your conversation, but this is not the case. We have the option of talking about specifics:


"Jennifer shows exceptional perseverance by continuing with a demanding ballet schedule even as she excels in her academics. She has performed in half a dozens acclaimed shows and has been invited to travel to NYC to audition for a number of companies upon graduation."

But we are just as likely to write:

"Jennifer is bright and talented. She shows great commitment to activities she is passionate about, and perseveres even when it is not easy or immediately gratifying. She would be a terrific fit at Harvard. This is the kind of person I would have liked to be friends with when I was a student there. I think she can be both a leader and an inspiration to others in the student body."

See? No mention of ballet at all. But still a great recommendation. So, if you're counting on your interview to fill in the missing gaps on your application, don't. That's (kind of) the bad news. The good news, however, is that this is not the point of the interview. The point of the interview is for Harvard to get to know you as a person. So do that as best you can. Come into your interview with a few set "stories" about yourself - the Ebay business is a great one - but be flexible enough to shift gears if you need to.

Let's say your interviewer is a former ballerina herself. You really connect with her on that front - by all means, mention ballet. But do it for the right reasons - to connect with your interviewer, not because you want her to put a check mark somewhere. Also, you kind of answer your question yourself - you say there is not enough in ballet for you to write an essay about. If that's truly how you feel, then a brief secondary mention is all it deserves. Personally, I think if you've been engaged in something for twelve years, there is probaby a story there. Remember, not all stories have to be about you being successful. It sounds from your email like your "tangible" accomplishments in ballet (winning awards, being cast in shows, performing in professional troupes, are limited). So are you a ballerina despite the fact that you're not as good at it as you are at other things (like statistics?) That's a story, and frankly says something very good about you. I'll let you draw the conclusion.

You throw in "passion for academics" - honestly, this is a given. Everyone applying is passionate about academics. If there is something that sets you apart, talk about it. Otherwise, leave it alone. There was a girl years ago who was homeless while she was in high school, but was passionate enough about her academics to maintain her grades even while she slept in homeless shelters and train stations. That's a rare instance of where you may want to talk about it. You mention statistics - is there a story behind this? Have you done some work in the field that sets you apart? Are you using statistics to improve your Ebay business? (If you can combine two narratives, even better!) Dig deep inside yourself and find the reason why you love it and how that makes you different.

There is one exception to everything I've said here - if something has changed significantly between the time you applied and your interview. Have you won a Novel Prize? Did the non-profit you founded just raise ten million dollars to build schools in Afghanistan? Did you sell a script to Disney? These are over the top examples, but you get the idea. If this is the case - do find a way to talk about it. Explicitly tell your interviewer that you did not write about it on your app because it hadn't happened yet. Oh, and if it *is* something seriously huge, it may be worthwhile calling the admissions office to let them know.

Summer Vacation

The summer is a great opporunity to do something enriching. Or something fun. Or something exciting.

But what should you fill your summers with if you want them to shine on your college applications?

I have two pieces of advice, one will be very very obvious, and the other, hopefully less so.

1. You should fill your summer with something you are passionate about.
2. You should find unique ways to express that passion.

Passion is really hard to fake. You can force yourself through math classes you don't want to take, you can cram history into your head until you're blue in the face, but the things that make your application stand out are the ones you are genuinely interested in.

So, first, pick what you love. Think very broadly. You don't have to love English Literature or Music Theory - if you're passionate about video games or skateboarding or fashion accessories, great. Find a way to turn that interest into a summer experience that stands out.

Let's take video games. Playing them all the time won't give you a lot to write home about. However, here are things you can do with that interest:

1. Video games and anthrology. Find a local professor who is working on researching how video games affect relationships, especially in countries with high levels of gaming like Korea or Japan. See if you can help with research or contribute to a paper. Bonus points for arranging a trip abroad that ties to your research.
2. The business of video games. Find an internship with a startup that designs and markets games.
3. The art of video games. See if you can work with a graphic designer or video game writer.

Basically what I'm getting at is this - you don't have to look for a way to subvert an interest or hobby into an academic or appropriate interest. Colleges love creativity. They also love people who are willing to go out of the realm of what "normal" high school students do.

So, find what you already love, and ask yourself - how can you go deeper? How can you learn more about it? If the answer isn't obvious, ask a parent. Or a guidance counselor, or a teacher. Or you can email me.

Inappropriate interviews... and how to handle them

I've spent a lot of time talking about how enthusiastic most interviewers are, and what a pleasure it is to meet with high-achieving high school seniors.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Though few and far between, there are interviewers out there who use interviews in inappropriate ways. Honestly, it's sad. It's not how I'd like to represent Harvard, and I'm sure it's not how Harvard (or other colleges) want to be represented.

How do you know your interviewer is behaving inappropriately? Here are things an interviewer should not be:
- Aggressive
- Judgemental
- Confrontational
- Dismissive
- Demeaning

Where do these behaviors come from? I wish I knew. Occasionally, there are corporate interviewers who like to do "bad cop" interviews to test the candidate and see how the candidate reacts. Most of the time these are for high-pressure positions. I could debate the value of those types of interviews as well - personally, I'm not a fan - but one could argue they have their place.

But that place is NOT in college admissions.

Here are examples of things an interviewer should never do:
- attempt to critique or test a student's religious faith
- accuse the candidate of sexism, racism, classism
- question the candidate's honesty

If you have an interviewer who starts to go down this path, try to get off it right away. Stand your ground, and if you need to, walk away from the interview. I'm a personal believer in valuing your personal integrity, and I don't think it's worth compromising that even for a college interview.

What if the interviewer is just having a bad day and has said the wrong thing? Try to diffuse it as much as possible. For example, if you've gotten onto the subject of religion and your interviewer is busy questioning the Mormon church, of which you are a proud member, you can throw in a neutral statement like, "We all have our beliefs. That's one of the things I really enjoy about Harvard - that there is such a vibrant and diverse religious community on campus." Then move on to another topic - about how you value diversity, or other things you like about your school of choice.

What if this doesn't work? Make a judgement call. If your interviewer is making you feel uncomfortable, just end the interview. Trust me. Learning to stand up for yourself is a skill that will serve you well in life and it is worth learning early.

What about the aftermath? Discuss the interview with someone objective, like a teacher or guidance counselor. If you felt like the interviewer was just unfriendly or minimally engaged that's one thing - if you felt personally discriminated against, put down, or otherwise treated inappropriately, deal with it right away. Don't wait until you find out your application status. Contact the admissions office or have someone do it on your behalf, and share (politely) what it was that concerned you about the interview.

The admissions office will appreciate this, because especially with alumni interviewers, there is little oversight, minimal (if any) training, and no real feedback on performance. It would be nice if there were a survey that candidates could fill out. At the end of the day, the admissions folks don't want you to be uncomfortable, intimidated or unhappy any more than you do.

Public versus Private

There is always a lot of speculation about what helps a college application most. Is it four years at a prestigious prep school? A hard-won success story from a troubled inner-city campus? A standout application from a regular public school?

The truth is that all of the above can get you into Harvard. It's not the school, it's the student. The question parents should be asking, as they look down the windy road of college prep, is where will their child perform the best?

I was a product of public schools - private was not an option - but we lived in a nice enough neighborhood, and I remember picking my high school (out of a set of four options) based on the number of AP courses they offered. In talking to a mom of a friend - who had scrimped and saved to send both her daughters to a prestigious all girl academy from 8th grade onward - I discovered she thought quite the opposite.

"I don't think my girls would have done as well at public schools," she said. "They really needed the individual attention and were able to thrive and develop there." They both ended up with multiple ivy-league acceptances and graduated from Stanford and Brown, respectively.

The net is that there is no "best" alternative, and it is never one-size-fits all. In order to make the decision, you need to understand who your child is, ultimately what it is they want.

Here's how you win at a public school:
Your child is self-motivated. He is able to make the most of any situation and does NOT need a competitive environment in order to succeed. He is more motivated by being the top student than by having a cohort of equally talented peers. He is able to create opportunities where they don't exist and stands out as someone teachers would be attracted to and want to help.
If this describes your child - or, alternately, if you are willing to put in the time to help your child fit this mold - then a normal public school may be a good fit. He would make his application stronger by demonstrating excellence even in an environment that does not naturally foster it. He would need to be proactive about creating the same types of opportunities that may exist naturally at private schools - summer internships, advanced courses, etc.

Here's how to win at a private school:
Your child thrives in competitive environments and performs best when she sees her peers setting a good example for her. She needs individual attention from educators. She does not naturally think of creating opportunties for herself, but if they are put in front of her she puts forth considerable effort towards performing well.
If this describes your child, she may get lost at a public school. A private school with an involved staff that encourages excellence and gives individual attention may help her perform better than she would otherwise.

Is it easier to get into Harvard (or some other Ivy) from a private or public school? At the end of the day it's a hard question to ask because your child will be different based on his experiences at one or the other. All things being equal, if you have the exact same track record, it is probably easier coming from an underperforming public school than a stellar private school. But the thing is, all things will never be equal.

Teacher recommendations

I had a question recently about lining up college recommendations from a student planning on applying next fall.

First, let me say, this is a GREAT time to be thinking about it. An even better time would have been last year.

Teacher recs can really serve to validate your record in the eyes of the university. Good grades and a long list of extracurriculars are the basics, but the icing on the cake is having an educator put your record in some sort of perspective. Having a teacher who knows you well tell the college that you are the most dedicated debator she's ever taught, or most compassionate student body president means a lot.

How do you get a rec that really stands out?

1. Plan for it early.
It's always best to get a recommendation from somone who has known you longer. If you have the option, try to stick to the same teacher for a few years in a row. Or, take their class and also join an extracurricular they chair. Build a personal relationship with a teacher you think may be helpful as a mentor.

2. Place more emphasis on the content than the title.
Focus on what your recommenders will say rather than who they are at the school. It's better to a have a wildly enthusiastic letter from an assistant teacher than a single paragraph from your high school principal. As a rule, people you've worked with closely for longer periods of time are more likely to have wonderful things to say about you.

3. Be honest with your recommenders.
Is there something you want mentioned? Let's say you got a poor Physics grade your junior year but made up for it by studying your butt off and getting a 5 on the AP Exam. Ask your Physics teacher to address the subject of your improvement and hard work in the recommendation.

4. Do your research.
Ask around, preferably early on. Find out which teachers tend to write good recommendations. If some teachers share the recommendations with students, that's a good thing to know as well.

Bottom line: don't go scrambling at the last minute. At the start of your junior year you should have a few ideas for people to ask, by the end of it, you should have a clear list.

What do you mean, practice?

It's easy to say, practice for your interview. But what in the world are you really practicing? And how can you tell you're getting better?

At first practice seems like a paradox here because the best interviews are the ones that are honest and genuine. But at the same time, it's hard to be honest and genuine unless you practice. Why is this?

I remember when I started interviewing for jobs out of college, I was terrible. I hadn't practiced, assuming that I was an intelligent, confident young woman and I'd do just fine. I didn't. I had no specific story to tell. When talking about myself my answers were disorganized and rambling. I eventually learned to interview mainly through trial and error, which meant going on a lot of interviews and not getting the job. Eventually, though, I got better... not in the least due to the help of a roommate who made me sit on her bed at 2 a.m. in the morning and mock interview until she was satisfied with my answers.

It's better not to go about using my trial-and-error method for your college interviews. For starters, you don't have twenty college interviews to waste. So, if you're smart, you'll do it beforehand.

How?

Step 1. Figure out your story. What is a story, exactly? It's the narrative you have chosen to present about your life. Try reading an article about any famous person - and you'll see how the journalist does it. Focus your story around your greatest accomplishments and your areas of personal relevance. Try telling different stories, and ask someone (a parent, a teacher, a friend) to listen to you talk and decide which one sounds best.

For instance: Your uncle bought an overpriced house. As the market crashed, the bank foreclosed on his property. His financial problems inspired you to research predatory lending. You helped him with his personal situation, and then you wrote a paper about it. You won a regional competition, and then enrolled in an advanced economics course at your community college. Now you think you may want to become an economist.

Step 2. Refine your story. Go over your resume with a fine-tooth comb and try to pull out anything else relevant. Maybe you won a debate tournament by giving a speech about the financial rights and responsibilities of citizens. Perhaps you had a summer internship with a real estate agent. Make a list of anything else relevant that you can work in to bolster your story.

Step 3. Pick some sub-stories to include. Your resume will be long and impressive, and you won't want to talk about everything, unless you're asked. Focus on things that are more impressive and more involved. Are you chair of your high school Cancer Society? Did you organize your team's entry into the Science Olympiad? Be prepared to talk about those experiences in a meaningful way. What did you learn from them? Why were they so valuable to you?

Step 4. Practice telling your story even if it's not asked directly. For a good list of interview questions, skim this site. Try to answer every question by incorporating some bit of your story... if the question is about your biggest obstacle, talk how devastated you felt when you heard your uncle was losing his house... and then describe what you did about it. If you're asked what recent current event has impacted your studies - you can talk about exactly the same thing. See? If you are prepared with a set of talking points you want to get across, it almost doesn't matter what the question is, because you have an answer ready for it.

If all of this feels forced and artificial, practice more. You will know when you are happy with your story, because it will feel genuine and you will be excited to tell it.

I love interviews because they help you get to know yourself better. And that's something we could all use more of.

Top ten mistakes students make

It's easy to write about what you *should* do... but what about things you shouldn't? Is there a short list of faux-pas that will instantly flag you as not being Harvard material?

The simple (and hopefully comforting) answer is no. There's no single thing you can do that would make an interviewer write you off. BUT there are lots of little things that may not add up in your favor.

(Most) interviewers are not trying to trap you. In the instructions we are given, we are in fact asked to think of ourselves as advocates for the students, and to take a personal and vested interest in them. So, you shouldn't get someone asking you complicated math questions or testing you on current events.

But you will be evaluated not just on the content of what you say, but your general maturity - how you present yourself, how well you interact with others, and how professionally you behave during the interview. These are places where you don't want to lose points.

So, without further ado, top ten mistakes.

1. Don't make it hard for the interviewer to schedule with you. Your Harvard interviewer is a volunteer. (And as far as I know, interviewers for most other colleges are generally volunteers too.) This is NOT their job. They often have jobs and families... what they don't have is a lot of time. When your interviewer calls or emails, respond promptly and make yourself available. A school club meeting, dance lesson, or tutoring session is not a good reason to reschedule an interview.

2. Don't ask your interviewer if he can meet you in another location. Even if you have a long drive. If you really want to attend College X, you'll find a way to make the trip.

3. Don't be late. Better yet be early. 10-15 minutes ahead of schedule is perfect. [You would think this would be obvious, but you'd be surprised...]

4. Don't forget that pre-interview contact is part of the interview. It is the first impression your interviewer will have of you. Respond to emails promptly. Use punctuation and write in complete sentences. Be on "interview behavior" even if you're just on the phone scheduling a time.

5. Don't forget any materials the interviewer has asked you to bring. Usually, this shouldn't be much more than a resume.

6. Don't forget to use your resources to help you prepare. Many students have parents who are professionals, who in their careers have interviewed dozens of people for all sorts of positions. They've also gone to dozens of interviews themselves. College interviews and job interviews have a lot in common. Have your parents do mock interviews for you. Ask them to give you their best interview advice.

7. Don't hold back. Pretend you're talking to a friend. Be enthusiastic, be excited. And of course be yourself. I've had interviews (not many, thankfully) that have been like pulling teeth. The student looks fabulous on paper but is very shy and clams up during the interview. Your interviewer is looking for a reason to be on your side... give it to her.

8. Don't put yourself down. Ever. You won't sound conceited, I promise. Remember, your job is to tell the best story possible with the data that you have. Do you know why you shouldn't put yourself down? Because there's a chance that your interviewer might believe you.

9. Don't forget to be interested in the interviewer. I wrote a much longer post on this earlier, but it's worth mentioning again here. Have a conversation with your interviewer.

10. Don't forget to follow up. Say thank you - then stay in touch afterwards too. Whether you get accepted or not, your interviewer is a valuable resource. Don't waste the opportunity.

Disabilities and academic performance

[Note: I use the term “disability” here to refer to a range of conditions ranging from stuttering and dyslexia to autism. I don’t really like “disability” because it implies a lack of ability, which is not true: students with these conditions tend to have more ability that they’ve worked harder to develop. If you have a better catch-all, please leave a comment and tell me!]

A question came in from a parent whose son was diagnosed with autism. He wants to know: should his son mention this in the interview, especially since it has affected his English scores and his social development?

Absolutely. Interviewers do not receive a copy of the application, so they go in cold. The only thing we know about a student’s background is what you tell us. The best way to bring up a disability is in the context of telling the interviewer about yourself: what has made you person you are today. Focus on what you’ve been able to accomplish, not on how it has held you back. Here are some good places to bring that up:

- Talk about your disability in the context of your family. Your parents have imbued you with strength by always believing that you could accomplish anything, and were willing to put in the extra work to help you do it.

- Talk about your disability in the context of what makes you a good candidate. Describe ways you were able to use what you learned with respect to your disability in other areas of your life. Maybe you were able to persevere where your classmates gave up because you have more experience working through obstacles.

- Talk about your disability in the context of your greatest accomplishment. Maybe your proudest moment was not taking first place in the regional Math competition, but finally mastering the concept of synonyms.

For instance, in this case if this student’s English scores are not high relative to Harvard averages, but have improved significantly through his hard work, this is what he should be talking about, not apologizing or trying to make excuses. If a disability has given you any unique insights into the world around you, talk about that. Have you met people with other disabilities through your experiences? Gotten involved with nonprofits that work with the disabled in developing countries? Acquired a depth of character that many people your age lack?

I talk a lot on this blog about the value of perseverance and fortitude. Talking about how you’ve overcome disabilities is a great way to showcase that. Done correctly, it can actually make your application stronger.

So, some parting thoughts:

1. Practice, practice, practice! If you’re shy or hesitant in bringing up your disability, rehearse so that it sounds natural and confident. Try to bring it up early rather than later on in the interview.

2. Don’t apologize. Don’t present it as an excuse. You’re sitting at the same table (metaphorically) with Harvard applicants all over the country who’ve been selected from a very competitive pool. The admissions committee already thinks you’re qualified. But unlike everyone else, you’ve had to work much harder to be here. Be proud of it.

The art of being appreciative

Your interview is over, you think you've nailed it. Now what?

Thank you notes are an important part of the process and an extra opportunity to shine. Here's how to do it well:

1. Send the note quickly. Not the minute you leave the interview, but preferably that same day. If you must, send the next day, but don't wait any longer.

2. Say something both complimentary and sincere. Hopefully this won't be hard. "I really enjoyed hearing about your research on migration patterns of swallows. Could you please send me the link to your recent paper?" It’s not necessary to ask for something in your follow up. It can be as simple as referencing something you talked. Maybe you mentioned a book your interviewer hadn’t read but found interesting. Send a link.

3. Continuing the interview over email. A parent has asked me, is it appropriate to throw additional information into the follow-up note? For instance, what if your child left something out? It’s a tough question to answer, and not every interviewer will agree with me here. My personal preference would be to leave any additional information out of it. You’ve had an hour or so with your interviewer, she’s gotten a good sense for who you are as a person. Any additional details are unlikely to make a significant difference. This is especially true if you felt the interview went well. Let’s say you feel the interview went poorly. Is it possible to salvage it in a follow-up? Honestly, probably not. But in the second case, you have less to lose, so it may at least be worth a try.

4. Handwritten notes. I would caution against a handwritten note for one simple reason: it may not arrive by the time the interviewer is filling out his feedback forms. And if it doesn’t, then it kind of looks like you haven’t sent one. Will an interviewer hold it against you? He shouldn’t. But we’re all human. And little impressions do add up. Now, all of that said, let’s say your interviewer is older – maybe in his sixties or seventies. Is it possible that he will be charmed by a handwritten note? Of course. So, weigh the risks and make your own decision on this.

5. Staying in touch. This is the optional bonus point level. Did you meet someone incredible? Is she a screenwriter, something you dream about becoming someday? Did she mention that her production company has internships every summer? You don’t lose anything by staying in touch with your interviewer, even if you don’t get in. Drop a line to let her know which college you decided to attend. Send a note congratulating her on a new movie coming out. Try to build a relationship. If it works, you may have found yourself an incredible mentor. And if it doesn’t work? Don’t sweat it and try again. There will be plenty of interviews in your life, whether for summer jobs, fellowships, or other colleges.

Chinese Parents

In Why Chinese Mothers are Superior, Amy Chua presents her case for strict, goal-oriented parenting and claims it produces superior children: ones who are successful, self-disciplined and accomplished.

Furthermore, she argues that left to their own devices, children would never do anything hard because things only become fun once you are good at them. Before you get to some level of competence, it just feels like hard work, which children don't like, so they give up.

Throughout the admissions process, we see many students who are talented academically. Straight A's, excellent test scores, rank first or second at their schools, lush extracurricular resumes. That's what's known as a "qualified applicant" - someone who can handle the workload and rigor. Of course, not all qualified applicants get in, because there just isn't enough space.



The applicants that do get in stand out. They stand out as risk-takers, humanitarians, musicians, artists, entrepreneurs. They have something beyond impeccable academics - they are able to show initiative, create opportunities, and think outside the box. Ideally.

A college would love nothing more than to be affiliated with alumni who change the world in some way. Or with students who, while in school, organize Amnesty International campaigns, start businesses, produce films, identify new species. A student who simply performs academically is fine, but by the time students are in college academics have become broader and wider. Many disciplines require not just the ability to fulfill a requirement, but creativity and free-thinking and self-motivation.

I worry that Chua's system of child-rearing would fail at this. It could produce children who have grown so used to being measured and graded and fulfilling explicit expectatations that they don't know how to operate without metrics... or without a parent hovering and directing them. That's a risk. However, there is something she writes that resonates with me as well:

"But as a parent, one of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip side, there's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't."

Tenacity is a wonderful tool. It's something colleges respect. It's something that matters in life too. I'm often asked questions about how to best talk about "failures" -- the isolated bad grades, poor test scores, failed attempts at one thing or another. My answer is usually the same - it's not a failure if you can create a narrative of growth and perseverance around it.

Chua gives the example of the Chinese parent reacting to a B. A Chinese mother, she explains, would assembles dozens of practice tests and make the child plod through them until an A was secured. If you can create this narrative around all your failures, you've won. That's more impressive than never having stumbled, because you demonstrate being able to overcome obstacles. And no one is able to go through life without any obstacles, so the sooner you learn to deal with them well, the further ahead you will be.

So, Chinese parenting. Honestly, we could all use some. Every adult wishes there was someone in their corner, forcing them through the tough spots, believing in them and pushing them at the same time.

But does Chinese parenting create kids who can be their own Chinese parents? Or does it instead encourage them to be constantly on the lookout for metrics that validate their performance, because they can't do it themselves?

Disappearance from CollegeConfidential

Some of you may have noticed I've disappeared from CollegeConfidential. It's unfortunate, and it wasn't my choice. Apparently, they have a policy of blocking any user who lists a personal blog as a resource in answer to a question.

It's particularly unfortunate because it seems my advice has been helpful and filling a need. When I started this blog, I never expected to get a lot of traffic out of it. Then suddenly, I was inundated with messages asking for the link, and my visitors swelled - from 14 visitors per day, to 50, to 320. I received message after message from students and parents telling me that the information I was sharing was valuable, and not something they'd succeeded at finding elsewhere.

But now, all the links to this blog on CollegeConfidential are gone.

If you try to google for this blog, it's highly unlikely you'll find it. That's because it's new and not optimized in the search results. So, I'll work on that.

In the meantime, if you've bookmarked it, or saved it in your history and are visiting again, feel free to share the link with anyone who would find it helpful. If you'd like to repost some of this content in a school newsletter or on a website please feel free to do so as long as you provide proper attribution.

And if you need to contact me directly, please email mss9902 AT gmail DOT com.

Interviews for the Introvert

What do you do if you are painfully shy? Or not even so painfully, but shy enough to feel uncomfortable talking about yourself?

Are interviews purposefully weighted towards the kid starring in the high school musical, not the one building Da Vinci-esque sets behind the curtains?



These questions were posed to me by a curious parent on CollegeConfidential, finishing with, "I just wonder what you might say about this, and is it the case that Harvard's student body is made up primarily of extroverts?"

This is actually a fascinating question. Here's why. When I was a high school senior, I looked at the college interview as a close-ended event. You do your interview, hopefully you get in, and then you're done - you never have to do it again. Much like the SAT. A one-time hoop you jump through and forget about.

But of course, I was eventually disabused of that notion because it's not true. The interview is more like a gateway. Because adulthood is filled with lots of interviews. Some of them are formal, like job interviews. Others are more casual (a meeting with the company president, an elevator pitch to an investor, an research presentation). And at the end of the day, what you are always selling is yourself.

In Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers, he spends some time referencing successful scientists and dissecting the elements of their success. He focuses on Oppenheimer's ability to be convincing and persuasive. And his conclusion is that Oppenheimer succeeded where others could have failed not because he was brilliant, but because he knew how to communicate well.



So, is Harvard filled with extroverts?

In some ways, that's the wrong question to ask.

Are extroverts more successful than introverts?

The answer is, I don't know. My classes certainly were not filled with the types of extroverts who always want to be center stage, tap dancing the lead in every show, whether metaphorical or otherwise. But those who were introverted also understood the importance of being able to present well, whether in an interview or otherwise, and they worked on it. Because it's a skillset that isn't single-use.

And by the way - I would also offer this for thought: just being extroverted and confident is rarely enough to have a good interview. Being able to communicate well is a skill that goes well beyond that. I've interviewed confident, extroverted candidates who gave terrible interviews. They weren't prepared, they weren't thoughtful about their answers, and they expected to sail by on pure bravado and likeability. And guess what - it didn't work.