And... I'm back

This blog has been sadly neglected for a few months because I've been working hard on another very important endeavor... a HarvardInterviewer baby!

Obviously people have been asking what my husband and I are doing to prepare our little one for Harvard. Given that she's only three months old, we don't have a definitive list.

But I do want to talk about what role parents can play in giving their kids a leg up, and I'll do that in the next few posts. A parent's role in encouraging excellence is tricky. I don't really believe that spending money stuff makes a big difference.

The posts will be about reframing success and how you can encourage your child to want to find ways to set herself apart.

In the meantime, if you've contacted me about a quote or comment for an article during the past three months - my apologies. I'm fantastic at email... except when I'm learning to take care of a newborn. Please try me again if I can still help.

Online data: the final chapter

So, I've had a few questions since my last post, and they invariably run along the lines of, "This comes up when I search for my name/facebook account/website. Do you think it's bad?"

Let me give you a mantra. If in doubt, take it out.

See? It even rhymes. But in all seriousness, folks, if you have to ask, it probably shouldn't be out there. The point isn't whether or not I think calling someone "fucking awesome" is an inappropriate thing for a seventeen year old to say. (Personally, I don't.) The real litmus test is - would you intentionally say it during your interview? Or write it in your essays? If the answer is no, just make it private, password protect it, or delete it. Easy peasy.

Moving right along. Interview season is mostly wrapping up across the country, applicants are receiving their admissions letters, and everybody else is gearing up for application season 2011. I'm planning on shifting gears to more general application questions. If you have some that you'd like me to address, leave it in the comments... or send it my way via email.

Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr: Cleaning up your act

My last post got a lot of attention, which I found surprising because I assumed that it was obvious. It turns out I was wrong, which was great because I'm glad that I put it out there.

To recap, I said that your Facebook profile, like any other social media that bears your full name, often comes to the attention of college admissions teams and you should be careful what you put on there.

But now that you know social media can count (sometimes against you) what do you do to clean up your act?

1. An image is worth a thousand words. Look at pictures first. When you google yourself, do any come up that are compromising? If so, untag yourself. Make them private. Or, if that doesn't work, ask your friends to take them down. Remember that Google will save a cache of some websites, so take care of this early.

2. Illegal activities. Some of your admissions team will be liberal and will smile fondly at youthful hijinks. Others won't. Don't risk it. Photos or references to you participating in anything illegal need to go immediately. That includes drinking, smoking, fighting, destruction of property, climbing over fences (i.e trespassing), setting off illegal fireworks, etc. What if it just looks illegal? Take it down anyway. Or label it clearly, i.e. "Training for the big boxing match" or "Rehearsing the bar fight scene for school play"

3. General silliness. You making goofy faces. Fan fiction. Having a food fight. IM conversations you had with your best friend when you were thirteen. All of these are examples of things that, while in and of themselves are fun and innocent, can be net negatives. Consider carefully before leaving anything like this in the public domain. What is the image you want to project? Is this helping you?

Now that you've found the offending data, what do you do about it? Either make it private, or delete your last name. If there's a website with photos, put a password on it. If we're talking about a facebook profile, play around with privacy settings. There are ways to leave up any info you'd like to share (i.e. you winning the debate tournament) while omitting the ones you'd like to keep private.

A few final words. There's been this flurry about admissions officers checking Facebook or other sites. As far as I know for Harvard has no official policy and I would be surprised if many colleges did. I have not been given any guidelines to follow. Here's the risk for you: if there's no policy, and I'm not checking consistently, I don't have a baseline. I don't have a list of things to watch for. I don't have a protocol. So, if you happen to accidentally leave up something that happens to grab my attention in the wrong way, there's a chance it will influence me more than it should, or even more than I consciously think it does.

Today, your public image is more than who you are in person. It also includes who you are online. That's true for you as a college candidate, it's true for me, and it's true for your grandmother. It's the new reality, and there's nothing revolutionary or scary about it - but it is important to learn to live with it and manage accordingly.

Facebook and College Applications

I met a mom recently who banned her sixteen year old daughter from Facebook. The daughter had recently posted photos of herself getting her tongue pierced (I suspect the getting-her-tongue-pierced part was a problem in itself).

I expressed some mild surprise that she would resort to such Draconian measures and she insisted that Facebook was dangerous. "Kids are losing scholarships because of what they put on Facebook!" she said.

I don't like the idea of banning kids from social media. But the mom did have a point.

As an interviewer, I like to Google candidates before I meet them. It's a good way to get a sense for the person before I sit down to interview. Recall that as an interviewer, I don't get access to any portion of the application beforehand. Even if have the candidate bring a resume along, I need to be able to scan it quickly and start asking questions. This way, I get a bit of prep in.

I'd like to tell you that I don't let myself be prejudiced by photos of kids holding beers at parties, or dancing with their friends on furniture, or painting questionable logos on each other's stomachs. I'd like to say that.

But it's just not true. In interviews, it's the details that count: being well-dressed. Sending a thank you note. Being a good conversationalist. It all adds up to the first impression, which is what your interviewer will use when filling out your recommendation forms.

I doubt that hordes of students frequently lose scholarships or have an admission reneg'd for something that they innocently put up on Facebook. BUT what actually happens is much worse. Indiscreet social media postings can make your interviewer (or the admissions officer) prejudiced against you without realizing it. And that's scary and worrisome because a large chunk of admissions decisions are really close calls. They are based on "fit" and "feel" - it's not just what you've shown you can do, but the potential people think you have.

If they go into your app or start your interview with an image of you jumping up and down on a trampoline with a beer, it'll take a lot more to dislodge it than if they come in with nothing. Or better yet, a picture of you shaking hands with mayor of your town after winning a writing contest.

The "scared straight" message of this shouldn't be that you can't use Facebook. Just be smart about it. Keep your account private. If you want to post goofy photos, go right ahead - but keep your main profile photo something neutral. Google yourself occasionally to make sure that nothing comes up that you're embarassed about. Nothing that you wouldn't share with your grandparents or your parents' friends.

I, by the way, learned this lesson the hard way. I'll date myself here - but at one point in college I had created a Friendster profile. It was goofy and irreverent. I think I said that I wanted to meet dictators and my hobbies included belly dancing. Kind of innocuous, but not particularly smart. Fast forward four years. I'm out of college, I'm working at a investment firm. My boss asks me to step in to one of our investments and help manage it for six months. Suddenly, I have a group of twenty people reporting to me, all of whom are older. It's imperative that I command respect and cultivate a serious persona. Of course, it's just my luck that the nearly defunct Friendster suddenly opens up their database to google. Now, when you search my name, that old profile becomes the fourth or fifth hit. Embarassing!

Learn from my mistake - check. Check often. It's a good habit that will serve you well, not just through the admissions process, but beyond.

New versus old?

A question from a student getting prep'd for her Harvard interview. She writes:

During the interview, should I discuss "new" information (things that weren't covered in-depth on my application) or reinforce what's already on the application?

Here's what I mean. My interviewer has said that they (the interviewers) do not see my Harvard application. So during the interview, should I go over things that were on my app (the topics I wrote my essays on, things I really stressed, etc.) or should I use the interview as a chance to give Harvard MORE information about myself that I couldn't fit on the app?

For example, on my Harvard application, I really stressed my volunteer work, my eBay business, and my future dreams (to create a successful charity--this sort of ties in with my volunteer work). I didn't really mention my passion for statistics and academics in general. I only briefly mentioned ballet, which I've been doing for 12 years and counting. So in my interview, should I repeat my stories about my volunteer work/eBay/future dreams or should I discuss my passion for ballet/statistics/etc?

The interview is a way for Harvard to get to know the applicant even better. So I thought perhaps it would be better for me to talk about ballet etc. because Harvard doesn't really know that part of me. If I were to talk about my eBay business in the interview, the interviewer would write that into their recommendation. However, Harvard would already know about eBay and it might become redundant.

But at the same time, I thought that maybe it would be better to reinforce my volunteer work/eBay/future dreams in the interview, since those are really what make me unique and those are the ones that have the best "stories" behind them. After all, those topics were "meaty" enough that I could write essays about them, whereas I don't think I have enough to say about ballet that I could write an essay about it.

And if you recommend a balance of both, should I talk about 50/50 old information & new information, or 70/30, etc.

This is a problem that is nice to have! This student obviously has a few different narratives about her life that she has successfully developed into what I imagine is a strong application. Rather than getting distracted by dozens of extracurriculars, she has chosen to focus on a few activities where she has excelled. This is smart. But now her problem is she has other narratives that she wasn't able to fit in. What to do?

The answer is easy, but will probably frustrate you. I recommend forgetting any sort of ratios, but instead focusing on connecting with your interviewer. You may hope that your interviewer is taking copious notes and will provide Harvard with an exact transcript of your conversation, but this is not the case. We have the option of talking about specifics:


"Jennifer shows exceptional perseverance by continuing with a demanding ballet schedule even as she excels in her academics. She has performed in half a dozens acclaimed shows and has been invited to travel to NYC to audition for a number of companies upon graduation."

But we are just as likely to write:

"Jennifer is bright and talented. She shows great commitment to activities she is passionate about, and perseveres even when it is not easy or immediately gratifying. She would be a terrific fit at Harvard. This is the kind of person I would have liked to be friends with when I was a student there. I think she can be both a leader and an inspiration to others in the student body."

See? No mention of ballet at all. But still a great recommendation. So, if you're counting on your interview to fill in the missing gaps on your application, don't. That's (kind of) the bad news. The good news, however, is that this is not the point of the interview. The point of the interview is for Harvard to get to know you as a person. So do that as best you can. Come into your interview with a few set "stories" about yourself - the Ebay business is a great one - but be flexible enough to shift gears if you need to.

Let's say your interviewer is a former ballerina herself. You really connect with her on that front - by all means, mention ballet. But do it for the right reasons - to connect with your interviewer, not because you want her to put a check mark somewhere. Also, you kind of answer your question yourself - you say there is not enough in ballet for you to write an essay about. If that's truly how you feel, then a brief secondary mention is all it deserves. Personally, I think if you've been engaged in something for twelve years, there is probaby a story there. Remember, not all stories have to be about you being successful. It sounds from your email like your "tangible" accomplishments in ballet (winning awards, being cast in shows, performing in professional troupes, are limited). So are you a ballerina despite the fact that you're not as good at it as you are at other things (like statistics?) That's a story, and frankly says something very good about you. I'll let you draw the conclusion.

You throw in "passion for academics" - honestly, this is a given. Everyone applying is passionate about academics. If there is something that sets you apart, talk about it. Otherwise, leave it alone. There was a girl years ago who was homeless while she was in high school, but was passionate enough about her academics to maintain her grades even while she slept in homeless shelters and train stations. That's a rare instance of where you may want to talk about it. You mention statistics - is there a story behind this? Have you done some work in the field that sets you apart? Are you using statistics to improve your Ebay business? (If you can combine two narratives, even better!) Dig deep inside yourself and find the reason why you love it and how that makes you different.

There is one exception to everything I've said here - if something has changed significantly between the time you applied and your interview. Have you won a Novel Prize? Did the non-profit you founded just raise ten million dollars to build schools in Afghanistan? Did you sell a script to Disney? These are over the top examples, but you get the idea. If this is the case - do find a way to talk about it. Explicitly tell your interviewer that you did not write about it on your app because it hadn't happened yet. Oh, and if it *is* something seriously huge, it may be worthwhile calling the admissions office to let them know.

Summer Vacation

The summer is a great opporunity to do something enriching. Or something fun. Or something exciting.

But what should you fill your summers with if you want them to shine on your college applications?

I have two pieces of advice, one will be very very obvious, and the other, hopefully less so.

1. You should fill your summer with something you are passionate about.
2. You should find unique ways to express that passion.

Passion is really hard to fake. You can force yourself through math classes you don't want to take, you can cram history into your head until you're blue in the face, but the things that make your application stand out are the ones you are genuinely interested in.

So, first, pick what you love. Think very broadly. You don't have to love English Literature or Music Theory - if you're passionate about video games or skateboarding or fashion accessories, great. Find a way to turn that interest into a summer experience that stands out.

Let's take video games. Playing them all the time won't give you a lot to write home about. However, here are things you can do with that interest:

1. Video games and anthrology. Find a local professor who is working on researching how video games affect relationships, especially in countries with high levels of gaming like Korea or Japan. See if you can help with research or contribute to a paper. Bonus points for arranging a trip abroad that ties to your research.
2. The business of video games. Find an internship with a startup that designs and markets games.
3. The art of video games. See if you can work with a graphic designer or video game writer.

Basically what I'm getting at is this - you don't have to look for a way to subvert an interest or hobby into an academic or appropriate interest. Colleges love creativity. They also love people who are willing to go out of the realm of what "normal" high school students do.

So, find what you already love, and ask yourself - how can you go deeper? How can you learn more about it? If the answer isn't obvious, ask a parent. Or a guidance counselor, or a teacher. Or you can email me.

Inappropriate interviews... and how to handle them

I've spent a lot of time talking about how enthusiastic most interviewers are, and what a pleasure it is to meet with high-achieving high school seniors.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Though few and far between, there are interviewers out there who use interviews in inappropriate ways. Honestly, it's sad. It's not how I'd like to represent Harvard, and I'm sure it's not how Harvard (or other colleges) want to be represented.

How do you know your interviewer is behaving inappropriately? Here are things an interviewer should not be:
- Aggressive
- Judgemental
- Confrontational
- Dismissive
- Demeaning

Where do these behaviors come from? I wish I knew. Occasionally, there are corporate interviewers who like to do "bad cop" interviews to test the candidate and see how the candidate reacts. Most of the time these are for high-pressure positions. I could debate the value of those types of interviews as well - personally, I'm not a fan - but one could argue they have their place.

But that place is NOT in college admissions.

Here are examples of things an interviewer should never do:
- attempt to critique or test a student's religious faith
- accuse the candidate of sexism, racism, classism
- question the candidate's honesty

If you have an interviewer who starts to go down this path, try to get off it right away. Stand your ground, and if you need to, walk away from the interview. I'm a personal believer in valuing your personal integrity, and I don't think it's worth compromising that even for a college interview.

What if the interviewer is just having a bad day and has said the wrong thing? Try to diffuse it as much as possible. For example, if you've gotten onto the subject of religion and your interviewer is busy questioning the Mormon church, of which you are a proud member, you can throw in a neutral statement like, "We all have our beliefs. That's one of the things I really enjoy about Harvard - that there is such a vibrant and diverse religious community on campus." Then move on to another topic - about how you value diversity, or other things you like about your school of choice.

What if this doesn't work? Make a judgement call. If your interviewer is making you feel uncomfortable, just end the interview. Trust me. Learning to stand up for yourself is a skill that will serve you well in life and it is worth learning early.

What about the aftermath? Discuss the interview with someone objective, like a teacher or guidance counselor. If you felt like the interviewer was just unfriendly or minimally engaged that's one thing - if you felt personally discriminated against, put down, or otherwise treated inappropriately, deal with it right away. Don't wait until you find out your application status. Contact the admissions office or have someone do it on your behalf, and share (politely) what it was that concerned you about the interview.

The admissions office will appreciate this, because especially with alumni interviewers, there is little oversight, minimal (if any) training, and no real feedback on performance. It would be nice if there were a survey that candidates could fill out. At the end of the day, the admissions folks don't want you to be uncomfortable, intimidated or unhappy any more than you do.